They’re DNA testing dog poop now


They’re DNA testing dog poop now

You read the title of this post correctly. There is DNA testing available for dog crap. Apparently, leaving your dog’s poop in your neighbor’s yard is an crime that warrants a Law & Order: SVU level of detective work to solve.

Apartment complexes and Home Owner’s Associations are now collecting DNA samples from their pet residents and storing the DNA profiles in a database that can be accessed when a neighbor sends a sample of fugitive feces to the lab for testing. The sample is then matched to the excrement they have on file and a fine is issued.


Do we really live in this kind of world? Is dog poo such a pressing issue in our society that it warrants creating and maintaining an entire database dedicated to finding and punishing owners who take their dogs for a walk without a pooper scooper in tow?

There are tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of rape kits that have yet to be tested, yet there are companies out there who will run DNA on a turd so that a salty homeowner can get vengeance on their neighbor because #firstworldproblems and capitalism. It only costs about $150 to run the DNA test, but there are some communities that will fine offenders up to $1000.


I am both a homeowner and a renter. I know how much work goes in to trying to make sure your property doesn’t look like booty and how frustrating it can be when people don’t show respect. I’m a homeowner, but I have a strong dislike for HOAs. Home Owner’s Associations (and Neighborhood Associations) are often run by people who are extremely petty and make issues out of non-issues, doing more to stir up ire than to solve actual problems.

Newsflash: Animals poop. Contrary to popular belief, dogs are animals. Therefore, dogs poop. Yes, dog poop is gross and it has the potential to damage grass. Yes, it can be frustrating to find dung on a lawn that has been painstakingly fertilized, watered, and manicured. We’ve all been annoyed when we’ve stepped in the present that Rover decided to leave right in our path. But your neighbor’s dog crapping in your yard isn’t that serious. Your neighbor popping a squat is a different story.


Collecting dog poo samples for DNA testing is petty. In fact, it is the epitome of pettiness. The effort that it takes to collect and mail in a sample could be used to simply throw the offending turds in the garbage bin. Is leaving animal excrement on the ground an offense that requires this kind of retribution? Nope. Not at all.


Dogs have been doing their business in people’s yards for as long as they’ve been domesticated. It has yet to cause the collapse of civilization.

Would you get dog poop DNA tested so that the owner could be fined?




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