SNEAK PREVIEW: I secretly judge people when they do these things…

I secretly judge people when they do these things…

I’m not a judgmental person by nature, but sometimes…sometimes people’s actions defy all understanding, reason, and logic and I’m left without words. I’m left with no recourse but to judge folk. I don’t want to, but people do stuff that FORCES me to judge them.

Like when people wear crocs. Anyone who wears crocs in public is BEGGING  to be judged. If you wear crocs in public, don’t come to me talmbout your struggles and how I don’t know your story. Don’t come to me talmbout how comfortable they are. You’re wearing crocs: the ugliest shoe ever invented. They are like the cone of shame for feet.

silentlyjudging

John Lennon is silently judging you and your shenanigans

I judge people who keep bumper stickers from candidates who lost an election…especially YEARS after. This has to be epitome of butthurt. What possible function could a Gore/Lieberman sticker serve in 2014? Is it some kind of decade’s long protest? Is it denial? Don’t try to tell me about how hard it is to get bumper stickers off. If we can send a rover to Mars surely people can remove old bumper stickers.

I judge people who sag with their buttcheeks hanging over their pants with a belt holding the pants in place. I understand the function of sagging. I see it’s merit as a fashion statement even though I fail to understand how it’s remained somewhat relevant all these years. I don’t understand why people sag and wear a belt. It’s madness. What function does securing one’s  pants below one’s butt serve? Why wear pants? I have more questions than answers.

People who walk around with a Bluetooth headset in their ear: I’M JUDGING YOU. HARD.  It’s not 2006. You’re not a cyborg. Stop that crap.

andersoncooperjudging

This is pretty much my exact expression when people walk around with a Bluetooth headset in their ear.

Last, but not least, I judge people who are verbally lazy. A person is verbally lazy when they make no effort to correctly pronounce words (and it’s not because of a speech impediment or use of slang) but because they’re too lazy to learn/use the correct pronunciation. These are the people who say suposably instead of supposedly. They’re the adults who’ve made no effort to learn how to correctly pronounce the words cinnamon, spaghetti, or valentine. I wouldn’t be surprised if they also pee in your neighborhood swimming pool and tip less than 18% at restaurants.

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4 thoughts on “SNEAK PREVIEW: I secretly judge people when they do these things…

  1. I WEAR CROCS!!! Now you’ve REALLY ticked me off…And I thought you were supposably my friend… what does a red line under a word mean??? 🙂

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